Parenting is Preparing for Life

Note to reader: A Preachy Moment, but face it, it is my blog and therefore I can share my opinions from time to time. You never know, I may have a good point or two that can help you out in your parenting pursuits.

The more I spend time with children, from my fifth and sixth grade class at church to the preschool and school age children in and around my home, I am astonished at how unprepared they are for real life. As parents one of our major roles is preparing our children to live life without us. That may sound harsh, but I imagine you look forward to having an evening to yourself again at some point in the future. Maybe even an "empty nest"?!

So why do we clean up after our children, allow them to say words we know are inappropriate, allow them to disrespect adults, let them chew with their mouths open, give into their tantrums and demands, tell them that everything will be okay, etc., etc.

I realize that building life skills take time. Until my son turned three I did not want him to help clear the table for fear of him breaking any of my good dishes. Now that he is older and stronger, with encouragement and a little advice, he is guided to help clear his place. He also has to asked to be excused from the table. Does that make me a crazy old lady? I don't think so.

Do you want to wipe your child's nose until he leaves for college? Do you want him to use the back of his shirt sleeve? Of course not, but don't expect them to figure these things out on their own. Take time to show them how to properly wipe their nose with a Kleenex. Two or three times helping them become independent and the next thing you know, you don't have to get a cold every time they do!

We teach our family to clean up after ourselves often by setting a good example ourselves. (My husband admits I have even rubbed off on him and he thought he was a pretty neat and tidy guy.) When Seth makes a a mess in his room, it needs to be cleaned up before he comes out to do the next activity. When I get out of my bed in the morning, I make it so that our room looks pleasant. I find it much more peaceful and inviting later that evening when I get a chance to finally crawl back in. Seth helps with dusting and vacuuming, now the day care kids as well. I don't find these expectations too high and when they are in a hurry to move on to something else they work quickly and efficiently to help with chores. We also do our best to make them fun. The "Whistle while you work" philosophy if you will. In order to make a mess here you need to know how to clean up a mess here. Taking care of what God gave you: life skill, simply stated.

The way we use our language is important too. Be aware! Our children will repeat what they hear! If we use kind words instead of yelling when we are angry we set a better example. (This is NOT easy!) As life coaches we must give our children the proper words to use. When my son interrupts other children fighting he will say. "I have an idea" and their blank stares at least calm down the situation and we work to move on. I had to teach him those words though. I also hate it when kids yell at one another, or worse yet a parent. I am constantly trying to give them better words in a kind tone. For example: "Stop it!" can be replaced with, "I am using that toy now let's take turns." If my three year old can handle these corrections I know yours, with time and patience, can too. Our words can be used to hurt or to love, encourage and respect others: life skill!

Now I realize that my son may not keep a clean dorm room years from now, but I do know this: He will at least know how to use a washer and dryer and fold his own underpants. He will be able to boil water and cook a few easy, healthy meals. He will know how to treat others with respect and dignity even when they do not deserve it. He will appreciate that God has given us many things and we are intended to care for them to the best of our ability. He will know that He is loved for who God made him to be. And most important, I pray, he will know that God is ALL he really needs.


Can you believe that I have had 300 posts as a blogger already?!